Achieve Your Dreams, the world’s pre-eminent site for supporting and promoting men, presents another insight into assisting men to find an attractive female lifetime partner.
This blog is intended for single and unattached heterosexual males over 18 years, looking for a monogamous relationship and caters to divorced, widowed and separated men who are looking to start another relationship.
Here are 6 steps to assist you to find the woman of your dreams.
1 Don’t trust to luck
There are many well meaning people who give false advice to guys. I’m sure phrases like, ‘love will come along at the right time’, ‘you can’t hurry love’ and a whole host of other myths and folklore were started in an attempt to ease the pain of someone who had either lost a love or was still ‘on the shelf’ way beyond the acceptable age for the time. These are misleading, to say the least. Adopt these sayings at your peril! You must be proactive – sure some guys will find love easily, but that’s not the norm – you may find you get attention from females, but will that relationships last the distance?
2 Know what you are looking for.
Do you want just any partner? Short term, yes, as you want to get experience, play the field and ‘sow your oats’, but long term is a different proposition.
Let’s start with interests – common interests. As a rule of thumb, you need a match of around 80% (the Pareto Principle, more commonly known as the 80/20 rule). Where you meet will usually have something to do with common interests, but not always – think holiday romances. So you like sport, betting on the horses with your mates in the pub on a Saturday afternoon; she is dead against gambling of any sort, hates sport and likes ballet – not much hope here, but she has the face of an angel and a body to die for… hormonal attraction! Make a list of your interests and then rank them – with those you can’t live without at the top. These are some things to discuss on a date.
Next, picture your life in 10, 20, 30 years – we all have these images – it’s what we expect to happen. Write down this image, including your career, where you would like to live (by the sea or in a rural setting), and the location (overseas, in the city – which city? – or the suburbs). Would you like to live close or far away from family, what kind of house (single or multistorey) would it be? Do you want a pool, billiard room or study (office) or not? And how about children (several or none), your social life (busy or quiet), lifestyle (out socialising or quiet at home), type of car (sports, sedan or commercial), type of furniture (antique or contemporary), number of TVs and where they are situated, movies you like to watch, the sound system, the type of heating and cooling, and so on. Younger people have these images, but assume (ass – u – me) makes an ass out of you and me, and it can be bitterly disappointing when they discover their partner hates their choice.
OK, next is lifestyle. Funding or money – lack of money is the #1 bone of contention in many families and causes untold arguments. How are you going to fund your lifestyle? Are both partners going to work, are you an investor or a consumer, do you save or live from week to week? Do you have separate or joint bank accounts, credit or debit cards or both? What about debt – mortgages, personal loans, family loans, lines of credit, holidays, overseas, local, intrastate, visiting family, trekking, relaxing – who’s going to be responsible for paying the bills. Are you going to share 50/50 from a joint bank account or make other arrangements? And how about personal spending money? Yes or no to big nights out with the family, friends, colleagues, then there’s social media, subscriptions to streaming services, as well as magazines, or book clubs. What happens if you win or are bequeathed a sum of money? And so it goes on – being ‘broke’ or in serious debt is no fun!
Cultural and religious issues are the #2 bone of contention. If you decide to be formally married. Where and how will that occur? What about parents, family members and in-laws? Will they be visited, be invited to your house, and if so, how often? Do you attend religious services? If so, how often, and what about religious periods – Lent for Catholics and Ramadan for Muslims. Then there are donations and tithing to religious organisations, will your children become part of those religious organisations and will they be expected to take part in the rites of that organisation? And what about volunteering for a religious organisation? How often will you do it, and what about visits to holy sites (like Mecca and Rome). And if you are from different religions, whose moral code will you follow? And so it goes on. If you are from different cultural backgrounds, make sure you exchange your expectations in writing to each other.
Values and communication – we all have a fairly rigid set of values, mostly passed down from our parents, and culture and mismatches can easily occur. You may be tolerant towards certain sections of the community and your partner may not; you may prefer honesty over everything; your partner may say anything to escape scrutiny. Write a list of your values down and get your partner to do the same and exchange them. There is a good list of values here https://personaldevelopfit.com/list-of-values/
How you communicate is also important. People have their own preferred ways to communicate – the 3 most common are Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic. Mismatches and misunderstanding can easily occur – a visual person will often say something like, “Yes I see that,” an auditory person will often say, “Yes, I hear that,” and a kinaesthetic person will often say, “Yes, I feel that.” Words can also have different meanings in different countries and cultures. Regardless of how hard you try, there will always be miscommunications, especially when emotions get involved in communication. When this happens, apologise and listen to your female partner – she needs to be heard and can fix her own problems.
3 Your interests, aspirations, lifestyle and values will guide you to know where to look.
Women are physically weaker than we males, and very vulnerable when they are pregnant or have young children. They know this and so they are on the lookout for a male who they think will protect them and stay with them. Women are also attracted to winners – this gives them the best chance of survival and the best genes for their offspring. This is biological, not rational. If you go to a boxing or wrestling match you will see women, also at the footy. She wants to see who is the strongest. Your best chance of meeting the woman of your dreams is places where you are a winner – where you stand out – she will notice. So if you are a great Scrabble player and can win the championship do that rather than go somewhere where you are mediocre or very weak – you’ll face an uphill battle. Women are also attracted to leaders – she wants someone strong, so she will notice if you are leading a group.
Every guy can excel at something – go to those places where you are a winner – she will notice.
4 Know what you have to offer
Women are looking for the best deal they can get in the quest for a partner, just like a man. This is different for every woman, but usually she wants a ‘good man’, someone who is faithful, reliable and supportive, someone who she can talk to, enjoy his company, laugh, have fun, share interests, set up a home with, maybe start a family, have holidays, maybe maintain her career, and hope all her childhood dreams come true. She doesn’t always get everything she wants, but she usually has a good idea of what she wants and knows what she has to offer.
Men usually aren’t so specific, and look for attractiveness, which can be misleading; better to match interests, aspirations, lifestyle and values for a better match. Knowing what you want and communicating that to a future partner will give her the opportunity to make a better decision. However, knowing what you have to offer will not only increase your confidence, but will also serve to get you a better ‘deal’ in the long run.
5 Prepare and practice
If you are a member of a sporting team you will train and practice and a coach gives you strategic tips. If you are a trainee, apprentice or a Uni student you learn all you can about your chosen career. This can take up to 7 years with some professions and yet most men do nothing to prepare themselves for a relationship that could last more than 50 years, and can cost heaps in terms of emotional hurt and financial loss.
Life does not come with a manual – it’s a trial and error journey, which in itself is fraught with danger. Sure, we get information off our parents, peers, advisors, books and Google, but no one questions where this knowledge or advice originated from.
Wouldn’t it be more sensible to make some preparations, take some responsibility, and make your own choices about a potential partner you may be with for over 50 years? Of course it would, so see next step.
6 Approach her.
Many men suffer from fear when they see an attractive woman, and this is justifiable, they are emotional and no one wants to risk rejection, but if you are to meet and date an attractive woman it’s a risk you have to take. She doesn’t think she is scary at all – quite the opposite – she often thinks she is the most approachable woman in the world. Some will respond to your smiles and ‘eye signals’ and some won’t, but she will be aware of what you do. Women won’t wait forever, if you don’t approach her within approximately 5 minutes, she will write you off as either not interested or not worthy of her time.
Ok, so you see her, and are interested. Follow these steps. Smile at her and see if she smiles back – she may or she may not. She will usually be with at least one girlfriend, but no matter – walk up to her, so she can see you are coming, look confident, (stand tall) and smile and say, “I couldn’t help notice you and I had to come over and say hi.” This isn’t cheesy, but is complimentary. You’ve done your bit it’s now up to her, but have a plan in mind. Women usually don’t want confrontation, but she will usually respond and probably smile back. Talk about the place where you are, keep it light – flirt, tease, flirt – show her your sense of humour, compliment her if you get the chance and find out what you might have in common, or who you both know. Ask for her number, she will expect that, but she may or may not give you her number. Don’t take it as rejection – approach other women. Unless things are going really well, excuse yourself after about 15 minutes, and let her see you talking to other women. She may come up to you later in the evening and chat again, and if so, you may get the chance to ask her out, but ensure you always look like you are having a great time.
For more information get this FREE eBook https://ayd.net.au/books-and-offers/
Good luck on your journey.