To Repair a Relationship

Achieve Your Dreams, the world’s pre-eminent site for supporting men and women who have suffered a relationship loss , and promoting better relationships presents another insight into assisting men and women to find better and more satisfying relationships.

This blog is intended for adults wanting to understand relationships and forge strong lasting relationships.

Most relationship issues are caused by misunderstandings. Something you or the other person said or did is taken out of context and blown up in the imagination, where anything is possible, and experience hurt.

Human’s tend to judge the world by their values and understandings, so someone may do something that upsets you – someone may let you down, not return your call, not invite you somewhere, may find a new friend and not spend as much time with you, there was an incident at work – the reasons are endless. These kinds of events can happen in friendships, between siblings, with parents, relations, at work with your boss and colleagues and even with clients and suppliers if you own a business or any other type of relationship.

In long term relationships like husband / wife, partners etc. the issue may be deeper than misunderstandings, but they do occur. In many cases this issue is disappointment – what’s happening is not the same as what you imagined or expected – your partner puts work ahead of you, is often unavailable, doesn’t listen to you, refuses intimacy, or you suspect them of cheating – again the reasons are endless. Remaining silent often causes emotional pressure so you explode, or may lead to resentment and hate. Honesty, total honesty, is the only way forward.

Maybe surprisingly, a ‘repaired’ relationship is often much stronger and deeper after differences and expectations are aired.

Ok, that said here is a guide to repair a relationship

  1. Calm down. Use breathing or visualising techniques to remain calm. When emotions are evoked it’s hard to remain objective and find solutions.
  2. Contact only if safe. If there is any possibility you could be harmed or put in a compromising situation it’s best to have a meeting with another person or a professional present. Otherwise contact the person and try to make arrangements to meet. If the person is too far away to meet then arrange an online meeting or phone call. Maximum an hour at a time.
  3. Plan what you want to discuss and write it down – you may forget otherwise.
  4. Meet in public. It’s always best to meet at a neutral place – a public place where you can chat and allow sufficient time – otherwise you may be giving off ‘hurry up’ vibes that could easily be misinterpreted.
  5. When you meet ensure you smile and give a hug if it’s appropriate – this gesture can disarm the other person.
  6. Don’t accuse. Approach with an open mind and apologise for anything you feel is your fault. Use ‘I’ statements rather than ‘you’ statements – ‘I feel I am being ignored’, rather than ‘You are ignoring me’ – the latter will make the other person defensive and little progress will be made.
  7. State your side and what you want – listen to their side. Using the above example, ‘I feel I am being ignored, and I would like you to spend more time with me.’ Shut up and listen to the other person. Stay on the topic and don’t allow old accusations into the conversation. Reiterate back to the other person what you heard and get confirmation before proceeding. Get the other person to do the same. Suggest a break if things get too hot and even go for a short walk to regain equilibrium – maybe the bathroom if you are inside.
  8. Clear up misunderstandings or walk away. If you are making progress then continue, even if it takes several meetings, weeks or even months. Test for change and remind the other person of their commitment to make changes. Don’t make threats, but make it known that you are seriously looking for change and a solution. If you are getting excuses and the other person is blaming you or not taking responsibility then walk away – some people can’t take responsibility for themselves and their action – they will never change despite promises to the contrary. Remember the old adage, “Actions speak louder than words!”
  9. Not all relationships last a lifetime. It’s hard to lose a relationship, but remind yourself you managed before you met the person in question and you will manage again. If it’s one or both of your parents, then remain strong – it may be better to forge a life without them – only you can make that decision. Try not to ‘burn bridges’ or become overly emotional – you will appear more credible and envisage a bright future no matter how it may seem at the time. Millions of others have done it before you and millions will do it after you.
  10. Move on – get assistance if you need it. Whatever the outcome try to move on – grief is real and it takes time to emotionally adjust to an emotional loss – it averages around 2.5 years, but can take as long as 5 years. If you feel you aren’t coping get professional assistance.

If your loss was caused by a sudden illness, death or suicide then you can’t follow these steps. Instead, make sure you don’t blame yourself, regardless of the state of the relationship before the loss occurred, or what the other person said. They made a decision that you had no control over. Memories are precious and try to keep the positive memories by surrounding yourself with mementoes. Slowly work through your grief, and get assistance if you need it. Keep as positive as you can about your future and form as many other relationships as you can that give you support. There are some organisations where you can meet others in a similar situation and that will let you know you are not alone.

Good luck.

Antidote to the ‘I Want’ brigade

Achieve Your Dreams, the world’s pre-eminent site for supporting and promoting men, presents another insight into assisting men to find an attractive female lifetime partner.

This blog is intended for single and unattached heterosexual males over 18 years, looking for a monogamous relationship and caters to divorced, widowed and separated men who are looking to start another relationship.

I found a joke in a post in a group on Facebook and its very clever and very funny and I laughed – see pic above. After I stopped laughing I reflected on the joke and wondered about relationships and our society. The woman in the pic thought she had found an opportunity and jumped at it, only to find out that there was information she didn’t know – the man stammered and obviously wasn’t as well endowed as she had originally thought – I wondered how she would manage her disappointment. Would she enjoy what she had or would she blame the guy for her mistake, eventually pushing him away and ending up with a broken heart, alone and possibly very lonely?

Over the past 50 years it seems to me people have concentrated more on what they can get, as opposed to what they can give. There could be any number of reasons for this, but the facts remain that relationships are not seen the same way and divorce rates have skyrocketed in the same period. Could it be that our quest for instant gratification has got to the point where we think of a partner as a TV remote – press a channel for what we want at this moment and when we don’t get it, we respond with blaming and vitriol? When the TV stops working we get an updated version, throwing away the old TV? Humans aren’t the same as an inanimate object like a TV – the TV is programmed to do what the operator selects immediately – humans have emotions and needs.

So this leads me to think about another strange happening in the past 50 years – entitlement! Somehow we think we are entitled to the best of everything without putting in any effort – the influence of TV and mass media? Every man and woman wants the best deal they can get with a partner, and that’s fine, but where does it stop and what is the cost? How many totally gorgeous women are there in the world? How many Adonis’s, with a six pack and a seven figure income? Not many of either. If we use an average distribution curve (bell curve) we will find around 70% of any population is average, with roughly 15% very attractive and 15% not so attractive. Assuming an equal proportion of each gender and 7 billion people in the world this means that 3,500,000,000 are pursuing the 15% who are attractive (525,000,000) and the balance (2,975,000,000) will miss out – hardly! Beauty is a function of the viewer, or as the old adage says, “Every eye forms its own beauty, or Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” There is evidence to suggest we ‘celebrate’ beauty and the more attractive get better opportunities and so the more attractive may gravitate towards a geographical area.

There is also evidence to suggest we only see what we are looking for, and so if we are looking for the most attractive partner we may not even see a less attractive possibility. I once read that at a party with 50 guests and equal numbers of each gender we may not ‘see’ many of the possibly partners, because most will be ‘noticing’ the most attractive of each gender. Although it may seem natural the most attractive partner may not be the best in the long term. They will age, there will be more competition and we have a tendency to endow attractive people with many of the positive traits – only to find out our assumptions weren’t correct. It appears the ‘best’ long term partner is one where we share a lot of similarities – culture, values, aspirations, money, politics and child rearing.

Regardless of who we choose each party has to contribute something – it can’t be all ‘give’ or ‘take’ – no relationship will last long under those circumstances. Over long relationships things will ebb and flow and during the ‘down’ times support is vital to maintain the relationship. Many will be disappointed with their partner – we are all human and come with strengths and weaknesses. Concentrating on the strengths will be more beneficial in the long term than complaining about the weaknesses. Take responsibility for your part in the giving and take only when you need it – imagine your relationship as a huge bowl where both are contributing to filling it and taking only when needed!

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Good luck on your journey


Achieve Your Dreams, the world’s pre-eminent site for supporting and promoting men, presents another insight into assisting men to find an attractive female lifetime partner.

This blog is intended for single and unattached heterosexual males over 18 years, looking for a monogamous relationship and caters to divorced, widowed and separated men who are looking to start another relationship.

On the Catholic calendar today is All Souls Day, where those who have died are remembered.

Over the weekend I was reminiscing about my deceased parents, who were Irish immigrants to England. Both felt they weren’t welcomed in their adopted country and kept to themselves. Dad had a sister who lived reasonably close, and mum a brother who lived some distance away, but neither visited that often and I had 2 male cousins who were 10 and 12 years older than I was. Needless to say we rarely had visitors.

I am the eldest of 6 children, and have often thought how similar I am to my dad. Despite living in the same town, which was not large, for almost 50 years, working for the same company for almost 30 years before he retired and visiting the same Club for almost 50 years dad had no friends – mum was the same – she had work friends later in her life. Both had to deal with life’s problems alone, and they didn’t communicate with each other effectively at all. They were strong.

I left home at 20 and moved to Australia. I have lived in different places, been married twice and have met lots of people along the way, but no real friends and I have had to deal with life’s problems alone. Like father, like son? Dad was friendly and would say hello to everyone. He knew everyone at the club he frequented and was on the committee for many years. I have often wondered why I am so similar to my dad – genes, upbringing or something else?

I was talking to someone over the weekend and the subject of vulnerability cropped up and I couldn’t stop thinking about that word. After a few hours I began to believe this may be the problem we both shared. I modelled myself on my dad, who I saw as strong, dependable and frightening – he was much taller and stronger than me as a child. He portrayed his strength to the world and never asked for help even when he needed it, although he was often first to offer assistance to anyone in need. Nobody really knew him, except maybe his sister, whom he fought with. He was always cheerful, and never showed he ‘needed’ anyone – how could anyone get close to someone like that? I have been the same.

I have spent the afternoon researching vulnerability on the internet, and I found it interesting and enlightening. According to research professor and author Brené Brown, who is a leading expert of the subject, and states in Rising Strong, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage,” She also states, “What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” According to Wendy Miyake in How Being Vulnerable Can Expand Your World, “Few of us consciously choose vulnerability. Why? The stakes are too high. If we reveal our authentic selves, there is the great possibility that we will be misunderstood, labeled, or worst of all, rejected. The fear of rejection can be so powerful that some wear it like armor.”

Women can see vulnerability as a weapon they give to men to take advantage of them, and men are prone to see it as a weakness, so I will leave you with some words from Tony Fahkry, in How To Embrace Vulnerability As Your Greatest Strength. “Vulnerability is a double-edged sword. Those who protect themselves to avoid getting hurt, fail to appreciate intimacy and close relationships. The wall you construct prevents your true nature from being known to others. It was Rumi who said: “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” You must accept your vulnerability if you wish to live a wholesome life.”

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Good luck on your journey

Meeting Women on Dating Sites

Achieve Your Dreams, the world’s pre-eminent site for supporting and promoting men, presents another insight into assisting men to find an attractive female lifetime partner.

This blog is intended for single and unattached heterosexual males over 18 years, looking for a monogamous relationship and caters to divorced, widowed and separated men who are looking to start another relationship.

I have a good female friend that I have known for almost 10 years. She turned 60 last year, has never been married, but in her earlier life was a casino croupier on a cruise ship and sailed the world. From time to time she goes on internet dating sites, often not for very long, and around 2 months ago she told she had joined another site.

I didn’t see or hear from her for most of the past 2 months, but we caught up the other day. Her words were ‘soul destroying experience’ and she is now off the site, until the next time, whenever that will be. She was quite attractive in her younger days, and no doubt put up a pic when she looked her best. Most women will get lots of messages from guys – it’s not always the same for men. She met several men during the period, and even went away for a weekend with one.

Her major concern was most men want more of her time than she is willing to give, and one guy who wanted to speak with her every day was soon dropped. The guy she went away with wanted to catch up with her for lunch and her words were, “I couldn’t fit that in!” Like most women she has a group of women she socialises with – they spend time together, visit each other’s houses, and go out together. I know other women who are exactly the same – they appear to lose interest in men, and stick together like glue.

There is no doubt she is busy, she works longish hours, and her friends come first. Many women are in the same situation, they work, some rear children; they have family responsibilities and often have no time for a man, even though from time to time they feel the urge, especially as Christmas or some other special occasion approaches.

If you meet a woman, and especially through a dating site, make sure she has time for you and can fit you into her life. Men, especially those who are lonely, isolated or vulnerable can ‘fall’ very quickly for a woman, often without seeing any warning signs. If you find you are in this situation, try to take a step back and see what she is giving you.

For more information get this FREE eBook Good luck on your journey

Understanding Coaching

Perhaps the best analogy with coaching is understanding the European Missionaries who went to the newly conquered lands from 1400 AD onwards. These were the Spanish, Portuguese, British, and Dutch, mostly white who travelled to Africa.

Despite the damage they did – bringing European diseases, reinforcing Colonialism, and taking land from the indigenous peoples, they also brought science, medicine and education armed only with a Bible, but often backed by a Colonial army.

There is a similar story with the indigenous peoples of the USA. At some stage they must have met doctors, even though they were little more than ‘butchers’ in the early years. The tribe had a ‘Medicine man’ who was responsible for curing the ill – he wouldn’t have been too impressed when he found out he had competition. Also within those tribes, only the Chief had power – a ‘squaw’ could hardly call a doctor, even if her ‘brave’ or child was dying. Money was also a problem – from my understanding indigenous ‘Indians’ bargained and swapped valuable items – a successful MD may have been offered a chief’s daughter or a pony.

Both the Missionaries and the MD’s interacting with indigenous Americans do the same as coaches – neither has a tangible product. Missionaries and Coaches sell beliefs – doctors sell relief.

So how did they do it?

  1. I presume the first thing is they came to the people, rather than expect the people to come to them.
  2. They lived among the people – their motives where on show – they showed they were there for the long term
  3. They established trust, especially with the local leaders
  4. They gave first – they helped with infant mortality – they brought medicine
  5. They shared their knowledge
  6. They assisted with the Coloniser’s language
  7. They helped with food production – they introduced new crops
  8. They learnt the local language
  9. They established schools
  10. They employed local people to build schools, churches
  11. They won the hearts and minds of the people

I am sure that not all attempts were successful, and I’m sure some of the missionaries would have been massacred, but all in all they were successful in converting the local people to Christianity.

So fast forward several centuries – how to apply what they did to the 21st Century?

  1. You have to come to the people – you have to be visible – people have to see you, even on TV, but more importantly in person – Tony Robbins holds massive gatherings, but note his fame doesn’t transfer to other coaches – people want him! In Perth an organisation called Authentic Education holds free seminars – they need 5 people to pay and they can cover costs.
  2. We can’t live among the people, but knowing where you are, your motives and whether you are there for them is important. Having Social Media accounts and a website is important.
  3. Trust is still important and if you can get a local or well known leader on board that will help enormously.
  4. You have to give first – it’s a universal human law – give information on your website, do podcasts, write blogs.
  5. Share your knowledge – offer to coach for free for a short time.
  6. Know your audience and speak their language where possible.
  7. Help the people achieve the results that they want. The more extraordinary the results the more referrals you will get.
  8. People want something – mostly money, which many think will buy happiness. Achievement, success and recognition give most people a great ‘lift’.
  9. In humans, fear is a greater motivator than pleasure – find the ‘pain points’ and stress them.
  10. Try to win the hearts and minds of your potential clients.

For more information get this FREE eBook

Good luck on your journey

Letting Go and Moving On

Achieve Your Dreams, the world’s pre-eminent site for supporting and promoting men, presents another insight into assisting men to find an attractive female lifetime partner.

This blog is intended for single and unattached heterosexual males over 18 years, looking for a monogamous relationship and caters to divorced, widowed and separated men who are looking to start another relationship.

I answered a plea for assistance over the weekend. The plea came on Saturday afternoon and was for assistance to move a caravan that was parked on the sidewalk and the local Council would impound it if it wasn’t moved by Monday morning.

I arrived there on Sunday morning and was told that 2 other guys would also arrive. Nothing had been prepared, and she had a plan which couldn’t be deviated from – I have assisted this person before. Several small trees and bushes needed removing, a pile of leaves, that I had helped stack some months previously and a pile of sand at the top of the driveway needed moving so the caravan could have a new home.

She had no idea what to do with the cuttings from the trees and bushes, and men couldn’t be trusted with chainsaws, so despite her injured shoulder, that the Chiropractor had made much worse, off she went with a chainsaw in hand. She didn’t last long and a guy took over and started taking small pieces of branch (so they could be moved) off the nominated trees. I started moving the leaves with a wheelbarrow she had borrowed with a flat tyre, and the other guy started taking the grass out of the pile of sand.

Halfway through she decided everything would stop as she would hire a mulcher, so she started ringing around, but none was available, so after a 30 min break we went back to work.

She decided that she would make a cuppa for everyone, and then remembered she had put some pasties in the oven. She came out with the tea and coffee but the dogs somehow opened the oven and devoured the pasties. We continued. She had a ute with a tow bar, but I couldn’t see that move a 20 foot caravan that hadn’t moved in 12 years. To her credit she did get a tyre guy to inflate the tyres.

After 5 hours we managed to prepare the spot, and with the help of a guy with a 4 WD moved the caravan close to where she wanted it, despite the fact she constantly mentioned that no guy could move a caravan like she could, but he managed first time – I left around this time.

The whole 5 hours she whinged and complained and was supposed to be doing legal work. It didn’t matter what subject anyone raised, she had done that – I knew about this. She would take the Council to Court, but she has two large legal cases on her hands – one for $millions against the State of Western Australia and the other a Custody battle she has been fighting for more than 12 years. Despite all the jobs and positions she claims to have had, she hasn’t worked for years, so I think that might hinder her chances of getting custody – her youngest must be at least 14.

This woman is almost 60, constantly lies, is always last minute, has no respect for guys, is always looking for an excuse to take legal action – I don’t think she has ever won a court battle, but she claims to have won all of them, but they always seem to continue. The caravan is practically worthless – scrap valve only, but it reminds her of the past, when she had a family, and maybe found some happiness. She can’t or won’t move on – she lives in the past and will tell anyone who listens about her adventures – she has had every job possible, she must have 30 degrees, she has been everywhere, and her accent changed when she was pregnant.

I tolerate her and assist her where possible, but I think until she let’s go of the past and moves on she will have trouble making new relationships – what about you – have you moved on?

For more information get this FREE eBook Good luck on your journey

Issuing Invitations

Achieve Your Dreams, the world’s pre-eminent site for supporting and promoting men, presents another insight into assisting men to find an attractive female lifetime partner.

This blog is intended for single and unattached heterosexual males over 18 years, looking for a monogamous relationship and caters to divorced, widowed and separated men who are looking to start another relationship.

Some men can feel very isolated and alone, especially those away from family and friends, or those divorced or separated or otherwise estranged from a partner. This blog may help those, but is applicable to everyone, male and female.

If you are shy and reserved it can be hard to make friends, let alone find a lifelong partner and if you are introverted the challenge and energy required to be around people can be daunting. For the introverted try to pace yourself – schedule social forays every 3 – 4 days to give you enough time to recover.

Shy and reserved people sometime wait for others to issue invitations, but they rarely come, and this is for a variety of reasons that has nothing to do with the individual. For the shy and reserved it can become a vicious circle the less they mix the less the chance of meeting anyone and the more the likelihood they will form the belief that no one likes them. If this a problem for you spend the money and get a relationship coach – it will be the best investment you ever made.

Even for the shy and reserved, they can smile and that attracts people, be easy to be around, and they can say hello and show interest in others they meet on a regular basis – at work, sharing hobbies, interests, at church or the people serving them in a shop. It takes practice, but it is possible and well worth the discomfort you may feel at first. To be successful at anything in life you must move outside your comfort zone. Dale Carnegie, in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People advocates this piece of advice, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

When you show interest in others they will usually show interest in you. Smile and give a genuine compliment and that often starts a conversation. If you find something in common, always issue an invitation – the other person may not accept immediately, but they will know you both share a common interest.

For more information get this FREE eBook

Good luck on your journey

Which woman do you ask out?

Achieve Your Dreams, the world’s pre-eminent site for supporting and promoting men, presents another insight into assisting men to find an attractive female lifetime partner.

This blog is intended for single and unattached heterosexual males over 18 years, looking for a monogamous relationship and caters to divorced, widowed and separated men who are looking to start another relationship.

So you see a woman you ‘fancy’ – find attractive – what do you do? Well you have 3 choices, you approach her and talk to her, you ignore how you feel and walk away, or anything in between.

My advice is to approach her – as the old saying goes, “You never know your luck in a big city!” If you are somewhere where you have power – you lead a group or are good at a particular pursuit, then your chances will increase – she may have already noticed you. Smile at her and walk over as confidently as you can and say “Hi, I couldn’t help notice you, so I had to come over and introduce myself. I’m (your name). She will probably say thank you or smile back. Next ask her about where you both are – maybe you are in a coffee shop queue – ask, “I haven’t seen you here before, are you from this area?” and continue. Show an interest in her, flirt and find out if you have anything in common. Touch her on her hand, arm and shoulder – women like being touched – it shows her you like her.

Compliment her and make her feel good and always ask her out and make it clear it’s a date, regardless of how you make think you are going – many women have learnt the art of hiding how they feel to a new man. Make sure you have a place in mind to meet – somewhere you can talk to each is great and get her number – she will expect that.

When you meet bring your questions with you, but avoid an ‘interview’ or ‘inquisition’ – if you are into sport, ask her how she feels about sport and see how she answers – you are aiming for 80% compatibility

For more information get this FREE eBook Good luck on your journey

Why Speaking To Women Is So Important

Achieve Your Dreams, the world’s pre-eminent site for supporting and promoting men, presents another insight into assisting men to find an attractive female lifetime partner.

This blog is intended for single and unattached heterosexual males over 18 years, looking for a monogamous relationship and caters to divorced, widowed and separated men who are looking to start another relationship.

Many men are nervous around women, some have little confidence, some are shy and others think they aren’t ‘good enough’. Where does this lack of confidence come from? In many cases it happens in school – a guy may like a girl and is rejected, or thinks he is – it doesn’t take long to lose confidence – sometimes only once, sometimes twice or three times. TV shows have the most attractive men and women and it doesn’t take a genius to work out an average guy would have little chance – or so they think.

We act like we think, and so if you have no self belief, you will rarely approach a woman, which is a shame for both of you. Here are two old adages, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” and “Handsome is as handsome does.” Adages tend grow because many people have similar experiences and, once accepted, become part of the culture.

Men tend to be very visual – a man can ‘fall’ for an attractive woman just on her looks and often thinks women are the same. They aren’t – women tend to work on feelings, and so, if you make a woman feel great, you have a great chance of winning her heart.

So if you suffer from lack of confidence around women, what can you do? Try concentrating on her, and not you and your needs – that has proved helpful in many cases. Even in today’s day and age, a woman will rarely approach a man she doesn’t know and there are many reasons for this. Most women want a bold, brave man and being frightened of her gives her power she doesn’t want or need. If you don’t make an approach she may think you have no interest or you are gay. She can only choose from the guys that show interest in her, so why not throw your hat in the ring? Practice in a mirror or with friends if you lack confidence – most women will not make a fool of you, despite what your imagination may tell you – they usually don’t want a fuss and will usually walk away.

For more information get this FREE eBook

Good luck on your journey

52 Places To Meet Your Perfect Partner

Achieve Your Dreams, the world’s pre-eminent site for supporting and promoting men, presents another insight into assisting men to find an attractive female lifetime partner.

This blog is intended for single and unattached heterosexual males over 18 years, looking for a monogamous relationship and caters to divorced, widowed and separated men who are looking to start another relationship.

There are 168 hours in a week — let’s say you need 8 hours sleep each night, and you work full time Monday to Friday, which including commuting and meals times are 12 hours per day, that still leaves 52 hours for most people. What you do with those hours will dictate your success or otherwise in finding a lifelong partner.

So let’s start with where you live

1 Neighbourhood

You are part of a community. Maybe you live at home, with friends or alone.

2 Other members of your household

If you live with friends and share accommodation, they will have contacts that may assist you. Your immediate family members may be able to the same. If you live on your own ensure you get out as often as you can.

3 Neighbours

If you live in an urban area you will probably have neighbours — be friendly and try to get to know them — most people know at least 250 people — I couldn’t believe it either, but when I checked I knew twice that amount and then some.

4 Borrow a cup of flour

Although it’s not as common as it was you could knock on a neighbour’s door and ask to borrow a cup of flour, sugar, milk. It’s a great way to start a conversation and you get the added bonus of returning the borrowed goods.

5 Strata / management committee

If you live in an apartment building with other residents there is normally a committee that meets periodically to manage the building. Normally you have to own an apartment within the building to be eligible, but even as a lessee you could ask to sit in on the meeting and you will meet the most active members of your building.

6 Door to door salespeople

Although it isn’t as common as it used to be, there are still people who go and knock on each door in a neighbourhood — most want to sell you something, so be wary, but if you are new to the area it may be a way of getting information about the community. There is always the religious groups who want to ‘convert’ you, and normally on a weekend.

7 Extended family

You may live away from your immediate family, but have extended family members — grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews (depending on their age). These are a great way to get introductions to women and because they already know a family member you will have something in common.

8 Family gatherings

This again is a great way to meet other people — there are a host of these types of events — parties and celebrations, family reunions, ‘house warming’ events, christenings, baptisms, engagements, weddings, coming of age, funerals, and many religious or semi religious ‘rites’ or celebrations.

9 Friends

Friends are a great source of introductions, and don’t forget their friends, and friends of friends. It can be awkward for a guy to ask a male friend for an introduction to a woman — there may be a competitive edge between the two males, but persist, you never know until you try.

10 Community centres

Communities often hold meetings for the suburb, ward, or county (in the USA). These aren’t often, maybe quarterly or semi annually, but you can meet other residents of your area, but outside your initial neighbourhood.

11 Hot spots

If you have lived in an area for a while there may be a local ‘hot spot’ to meet others in your age group. This can be an event, pub, bar, or local sports or activity centre.

12 Walking a dog

Walking a dog is a great way to meet others in your area — almost every dog owner that passes will make a comment about your dog, and you can make a comment about their dog. You both have something in common and women will often feel ‘safer’ walking their dog.

So that’s your local area covered, now we will go on to your activities, interests and hobbies.

13 Meetup

To meet new people in person you can’t go past Local people organise groups with a myriad of interests — there are millions of these groups worldwide and I would imagine just about every interest or hobby is catered for. Naturally there are more groups in urban areas, but even if you live in a small rural area, you may be able to arrange accommodation through the group organiser to attend meetings. insists that people actually meet face to face and anything from a small group to hundreds can attend an event and there is always a designated organiser that doubles as a host / hostess. This is an online website and is free to join, but to organise there is cost — check out their website.

14 Hobbies

Most people have at least one hobby, which is much more enjoyable shared with others. There are solitary hobbies, but if you can meet others with a similar interest that can be a bonus. There are countless hobbies and myriad of books written about each one.

15 Interests

Most people have an interest — some are topical, some not so much. The huge interest at the moment is ‘Black Lives Matter’ calling for social justice for minorities. Apart from that there are as many interests as there are people on this Earth.

16 Political parties

Some people enjoy politics and want to serve others as a politician. Others enjoy debating and discussing what political leaders say and do. Each political group has an organisation and at least some meetings — check out the internet to find a party whose meeting you may want to attend. Some are free and others involve elaborate dinners or conventions — most will want a donation from you.

17 Exhibitions

Most cities have exhibitions in public places — you may have an art exhibition, a literary, dance or cultural exhibition — most are advertised in local newspapers and on the internet. Some are free, or low cost, whereas others are more expensive. These are great place to rub shoulders with others who enjoy the same as you.

18 Libraries

Although libraries are places where silence is expected, it’s still possible to meet people — you can ask directions to where your favourite books are or chat with the librarian or their assistants. You may meet someone searching for a book in genre you enjoy, or maybe entering or leaving the library. Where I live they provide a brilliant service — they will search for a book anywhere in Australia and get it to the local branch.

19 Events

There are many types of events — some famous like ‘Burning Man’, some not so famous like the local beach sand castle competition. Most events will provide the opportunity to meet people with similar interests.

20 Religious Events

There are the large, highly organised religions and there are the small sects, but most will welcome you to join their service. Most have a ‘holy’ period — in the Catholic religion (that I know most about) Lent starts with Ash Wednesday, a period of fasting follows for 40 days, the crucifixion of Jesus Christ occurs on Good Friday and Easter Sunday celebrates his resurrection. Easter sets the entire Catholic calendar.

21 Public galleries

Most cities have public galleries — at least one main art gallery, several museums, including some special exhibitions, and several music venues designed for live music performances — this includes operas, classic music and themed concerts. Some are free, others low cost and others quite pricey, but a great place to meet like minded people.

22 Historical monuments

Most cities have historical monuments — sometimes fortifications, city walls, cathedrals, churches, gaols, wrecks, reconstructions of famous sailing ships, docks etc. Some offer tours, others pamphlets, some charge admission and others don’t. Apart from locals with an interest in history you can also meet tourists.

23 Shows

There are various venues to host shows, including trade and product shows, so if you have to have the latest gadget this is the place to be. Some of these are to sell products — we have a boat, wedding and lifestyle show here in Perth. Some are free and others charge admission — most want you to book so that, even without COVID 19 they can manage their numbers.

24 Concerts

Most large cities host international artists and depending on the climate can be indoor or outdoor. Some attract over 100,000 people and many have pricey admission charges. Some allow you to bring your own food and drink and some don’t, sometimes charging exorbitant prices for food and drink. Illegal drugs can also circulate at some of these venues. The music can be very loud, and some seats quite a distance from the stage, so not the best place to meet others, but great to see your favourite international artist.

25 Festivals

Most cities host festivals — jazz, beer and heritage festivals are common. Some attract lots and others fewer, some charge and others don’t, but a great place to meet people with similar interests.

26 Sporting events

Most cities have sporting events — Australia have the Australian Open tennis in Melbourne starting at the end of January, COVID 19 permitting, We have a Formula One event, a national horse race called the Melbourne Cup on the 1st Tues in November, all forms of cricket, the AFL grand final in Melbourne and NRL grand final in Sydney and the Sydney to Hobart yacht race in December. Almost all major sports are represented, including children’s versions on Saturday and Sunday morning. Being an official or a member of a sporting club is a great way to meet others with an interest in that sport.

27 Shopping

I have read about this several times, although I have never seen it done in practice. Being tall I sometime see a short woman struggling to get an item off a high shelf and I oblige. I suppose a man could accidently bump the trolley of a woman he finds attractive and start a conversation — certainly women are not on ‘high alert’ as they often are when out in mixed company.

28 Pubs, bars hotels and clubs

There is sometime heavy competition in these venues, with many more men than women. Also people tend to sit in groups and it’s hard to meet women in this situation. Being a ‘regular’ at a venue and knowing the bar staff can help a great deal as you may be able to find out a little about a woman you fancy. You can try your luck when she is alone, like at the bar buying drinks, but many women are quite defensive in these places. Always say hello and be friendly — you may get to know her over time and something may develop.

29 Coffee shops

Many women stop to have coffee at a coffee shop; some even bring their laptop and work from there. COVID 19 notwithstanding, tables in coffee shops are close together, so it’s not hard to eavesdrop, or start a conversation. Again you have a slight advantage if you frequent that venue and know the staff.

30 Meals out

Eating out, even alone puts you with others. Lunches are usually much less expensive than dinners, and there are many more female sales assistants than men, and the same goes for receptionists, PA’s, primary school teachers, bank tellers and nurses, so pick your spot guys — the commercial heart of a city, especially with lots of offices is ideal.

31 Restaurants

Restaurants can work, especially in larger hotels — many women travel and stay in hotels, so you may catch one. The down side is she may be from many miles away, but you can offer your local knowledge, and she may be lonely.

32 Out with friends

When out with friends they may bump into people they know that you don’t and you may get an introduction. Also you have your friend to fall back on and give you ‘moral support’.

33 Public transport

When travelling by public transport you may get the opportunity to sit next to an attractive woman — either can you choose to sit next to her, or she may sit next to you. Either way it’s an opportunity to start a conversation and it’s not seen as offensive. You may see her get on the bus or train, so you can guess where she lives. In any case if it’s on a regular route she can’t be that far away from you.

34 Weekends away

When we travel to another place we are usually more open to asking questions of strangers simply because we may not be able to locate where we want to go. Put your phone away and ask directions — you can always check them later. You may be attending a festival, or coming to see a landmark or historical feature — ask about it — ask where to eat, best place for entertainment etc. Once you have made the connection you may see the person again later.

35 Airbnb’s

With the advent of Airbnb and the cost of an overnight stay has reduced considerably. Also you get the chance to chat with the owner of the place where you are staying and can get valuable local information.

36 Holidays and vacations

When you are on holiday you are usually much more relaxed and receptive to trying new things. You may pass through several airports, board and disembark from several aircraft and sit next to or near several people. You may stay at a hotel or resort and meet more people. The downside is they could live several thousand miles from you, but you could also meet someone really interesting.

37 College, Uni, Tafe

You may decide to take a course about a hobby or interest you have and so you enrol in a community college. This gives you the opportunity to meet others in the course over an extended period, maybe several weeks. You may want to upgrade your skills, and enrol in a technical course or college / university. Again you have the opportunity to meet other people.

38 Volunteering

If you have time volunteering can be very satisfying, as not only can you meet others in the organisation you volunteer for, but you will mostly get the opportunity to meet others you serve. Examples are the Red Cross, Oxfam, and CARE Australia. Here is a full list of Non Government Organisations (NGOs) that receive or are eligible for Government Grants On top of these are other organisations that don’t receive government assistance — I volunteered for St Vincent De Paul (Vinnies), which is connected to the Catholic church and there are others. Some of these organisations may frown on you forming relationships with ‘clients’ so ensure you check.

39 Service clubs — Apex, Lions, Rotary and others

There are also charitable organisations that give a great deal back to the community. Most people will be familiar with organisations like Apex, Lions, and Rotary — note that some have criteria for joining, but can be found on the internet.

That concludes the activities, interests and hobbies. The following two are internet based.

40 Internet dating

I don’t recommend internet dating sites as their main purpose is to maximise profit for the promotors, there are lots of ‘fake’ profiles, there are usually many more men on a dating site than women, many women get inundated and never return after registering, but are not removed and there are few checks on the people enrolled. Also they tend to work for the more attractive profiles — people seldom read a profile and hence can be a ‘Meet Market’. However, they can work so I have included them.

41 Social media

Social Media is more a place to keep in touch with people who live outside your geographical area, and many people have lots of ‘virtual’ friends. They do have lots of groups and people can post and attend ‘Events’. There are ‘fake’ profiles, so be wary, especially if you meet people socially, at least until you have time to get to know them. They do tend to be extremely time consuming and possibly addictive. Ensure you don’t spend time that could be used more productively to meet people in person.

The next section is work — work was traditionally a great place to meet others, but as harassment and sexual harassment policies have been introduced into the workplace please be careful when approaching a woman at a workplace — know your company policy and abide by it — losing your income is a huge price to pay for a date.

42 Work

There are many sized companies — from one person to large multinational companies employing many thousands of people. As a general rule the larger the firm the more complex the policies and procedures. Larger companies do offer the opportunity to meet more people — many have social clubs, they have multiple departments and many different people to choose from. If you can find a mentor in a large company it will assist no end to getting introductions. Be aware if you meet someone at work and it doesn’t work out there can be ‘fallout’ — there are many stories about the office romance.

43 Inter company

Some larger companies have multiple depots or outlets, and you may have the opportunity of dealing with others at these branches — despite the warning above this may give you the opportunity to meet others outside your area or country.

44 Dealing with associates

Larger companies buy from other companies and this may give you the opportunity to meet people from other firms in your area. Even if you work for a very small company you may get a similar opportunity to get to know the people where you buy supplies.

45 Commuting

Normally people work quite a distance from where they live, so they do the commute — some people may commute several hours a day. Driving isn’t much fun on congested roads, so if public transport is available, and suitable, maybe consider using that — you may get an opportunity to meet a fellow commuter.

46 Travelling

Some employees have to travel for work — many sales reps are in this position. If this is you, use this as an opportunity to meet other people and find out about the places you visit.

47 Conferences

Some larger companies hold annual conferences, or annual ‘get togethers’. These are another opportunity to meet others from your company.

48 Seminars

Various industries hold seminars to keep the industry abreast of changes — if you get the opportunity you may want to attend one or more of these. It will give you an opportunity to meet others in your industry. Make sure you make the effort to keep in touch and build a relationship.

That concludes the opportunities as an employee and the last section is as a business owner.

49 Networking groups

If you are in business you need to meet other people to keep your forward contract full and healthy. There are many of these groups some well known like BNI, others based locally.

50 Chamber of Commerce

Most larger towns and cities have a Chamber of Commerce — join this if you can and attend meetings — some are monthly, some quarterly, and others infrequently. They are usually a great source of information and afford you an opportunity to meet others.

51 Clients and customers

You will have the opportunity to meet and serve clients — some may know other similar people who may be potential future clients. They may invite you to their networking groups, to meet their suppliers and hence you have the opportunity to meet other professionals.

52 Blogs

The last place to meet others is through your blogs — you may impress someone with your knowledge and they may get in touch and even though they may be thousands of miles away it’s another person you know.

So we have 52 places to meet other people and there is mostly some common connection. Naturally you may have to do more than your share of the initial approaching, but it will be worth it if you meet a suitable lifelong partner. It goes without saying you will be best served with a friendly, congenial, helpful attitude whilst you are out and about.

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Good luck on your journey.