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Antidote to the ‘I Want’ brigade

01 Dec

Antidote to the ‘I Want’ brigade

Achieve Your Dreams, the world’s pre-eminent site for supporting and promoting men, presents another insight into assisting men to find an attractive female lifetime partner.

This blog is intended for single and unattached heterosexual males over 18 years, looking for a monogamous relationship and caters to divorced, widowed and separated men who are looking to start another relationship.

I found a joke in a post in a group on Facebook and its very clever and very funny and I laughed – see pic above. After I stopped laughing I reflected on the joke and wondered about relationships and our society. The woman in the pic thought she had found an opportunity and jumped at it, only to find out that there was information she didn’t know – the man stammered and obviously wasn’t as well endowed as she had originally thought – I wondered how she would manage her disappointment. Would she enjoy what she had or would she blame the guy for her mistake, eventually pushing him away and ending up with a broken heart, alone and possibly very lonely?

Over the past 50 years it seems to me people have concentrated more on what they can get, as opposed to what they can give. There could be any number of reasons for this, but the facts remain that relationships are not seen the same way and divorce rates have skyrocketed in the same period. Could it be that our quest for instant gratification has got to the point where we think of a partner as a TV remote – press a channel for what we want at this moment and when we don’t get it, we respond with blaming and vitriol? When the TV stops working we get an updated version, throwing away the old TV? Humans aren’t the same as an inanimate object like a TV – the TV is programmed to do what the operator selects immediately – humans have emotions and needs.

So this leads me to think about another strange happening in the past 50 years – entitlement! Somehow we think we are entitled to the best of everything without putting in any effort – the influence of TV and mass media? Every man and woman wants the best deal they can get with a partner, and that’s fine, but where does it stop and what is the cost? How many totally gorgeous women are there in the world? How many Adonis’s, with a six pack and a seven figure income? Not many of either. If we use an average distribution curve (bell curve) we will find around 70% of any population is average, with roughly 15% very attractive and 15% not so attractive. Assuming an equal proportion of each gender and 7 billion people in the world this means that 3,500,000,000 are pursuing the 15% who are attractive (525,000,000) and the balance (2,975,000,000) will miss out – hardly! Beauty is a function of the viewer, or as the old adage says, “Every eye forms its own beauty, or Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” There is evidence to suggest we ‘celebrate’ beauty and the more attractive get better opportunities and so the more attractive may gravitate towards a geographical area.

There is also evidence to suggest we only see what we are looking for, and so if we are looking for the most attractive partner we may not even see a less attractive possibility. I once read that at a party with 50 guests and equal numbers of each gender we may not ‘see’ many of the possibly partners, because most will be ‘noticing’ the most attractive of each gender. Although it may seem natural the most attractive partner may not be the best in the long term. They will age, there will be more competition and we have a tendency to endow attractive people with many of the positive traits – only to find out our assumptions weren’t correct. It appears the ‘best’ long term partner is one where we share a lot of similarities – culture, values, aspirations, money, politics and child rearing.

Regardless of who we choose each party has to contribute something – it can’t be all ‘give’ or ‘take’ – no relationship will last long under those circumstances. Over long relationships things will ebb and flow and during the ‘down’ times support is vital to maintain the relationship. Many will be disappointed with their partner – we are all human and come with strengths and weaknesses. Concentrating on the strengths will be more beneficial in the long term than complaining about the weaknesses. Take responsibility for your part in the giving and take only when you need it – imagine your relationship as a huge bowl where both are contributing to filling it and taking only when needed!

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Good luck on your journey